Puttin’ on the Ritz, 2017 edition

There are times during the planning stages of a golf tournament when there’s a question in the minds of the planners of whether they will survive the process or succumb to the pressures and complaints and run from fairway to fairway screaming “Jesus, take me now!”

And then there’s the tournament itself, when most every player wonders why she isn’t home enjoying a tall cold one in the midst of an air conditioned home.

That’s only on those occasions when the tournament is held on hotter-than-a-hot-flash summer day when not even shade helps control the river of perspiration that flows into one’s eyes and down one’s back.

It’s uncomfortable, wrecks hairdos and messes with mascara.

The temperature had to soar to 100 degrees on the day of our recent Puttin’ On the Ritz women’s golf tournament, possibly up to 120 (at least so it felt). At one point, the barely perceptible but life sustaining breezes ceased entirely.

We drove fast and took more circuitous routes from ball to ball, leaning out the sides of the carts for any movement of air. We tried waving our clubs for fan-like relief, but that proved more dangerous than effective.

When finally, after what seemed like hours of deathly stillness, the breeze returned and we mustered enough strength to leave the cart and lift our shirts away from our tortured bodies to allow the breeze to cool our sizzling flesh.

It was the act of desperate women.

Thank goodness we were on hole 14 by then with only four more to go.

I don’t remember a lot about the last four holes. That may be a result of being nearly cooked to death but more likely is a survival tactic. Something had to give, and it was possibly my memory of a mediocre golf game.

I do remember this: I once again had the best partner possible in Patty, and we played a foursome with Marge and Janet who are good friends and golfers.

Other than the fact of our physical suffering, which we endured because we knew it can build character and also we would have been deemed cowardly and pitiful had we quit, we enjoyed the experience and plan to do it again next year.

Call us crazed by the searing heat if you must, but in retrospect we evaluate the experience as a fun adventure. Perhaps we are inspired by danger!

Here are the winners:

Low Gross Best Ball: Ronna Galbreath/Rose Hill, 82; Jeri Stone/Merlina Tate, 85; Cathy Jones/Erin Harris, 92. Net Best Ball: Kathy Geifer/Yvonne Alder, 58; Harriet Lynch/Tracy Benzel, 62; Donna Schmierer/Tina Craig, 63.

Net Skins: Harriet Lynch, Birdie on 18; Tracy Benzel, Eagle on 2; Katie Giefer: Eagle on 3; Yvonne Alder: Eagle on 9.

Congratulations to all the winners.

And thank you to all the players. We were honored to host you again this year.

Our luncheon this year was provided by the Tee Time Cafe and was excellent, as is every meal served there. Barb even made homemade cinnamon rolls, cinnamon coffee cake, and other breakfast goodies to accompany the fresh coffee available for every player before the tee off.

We also had homemade yeast dinner rolls with three choices of salads at the luncheon salad bar.

We were all ready for lunch by the time we’d sank the balls on 18, and the food was refreshing and tasty.

We will host another tournament in a year. Meanwhile, we will all do our best to better our skills while continuing to enjoy the game.

We tee off every Monday morning at 9 for any ladies who would like to join us.

We are a friendly group of intelligent, fashionable, disciplined, fun-loving and patriotic beauties. You will fit right in.