Ode to the 2016 Ritzville’s Women’s Golf Tournament

Over here, over there, my ball goes near anywhere, as I tee off with lofty aspires. See it fly 30 feet, must be wind and scorching heat, that messes up my dreams of a par.

Then I smack one hard, and it soars into a cart, and the next drive hits a darned tree.

Hear me curse, hear me wail, inconsolably aggrieved, as it lands back at my feet, Oh this game, what a shame, it’s the sadist that we blame; for creating a pastime so dire.

Players lose all their couth with gambling and naughty words, and that’s nothing compared to the liars.

Then I smack one hard, and it soars high and far, and I see it land somewhere in the rough. I waste three strokes as it plops from hole to hole. Who’s to blame: our greens man Dan Duff.

Next I carefully set a tee in the ground especially to slam one from here to afar.

Whoops, I missed the darned ball, twisted round and took a fall, ‘That’s a stroke’ say the PGA czars.

They are tyrants true, who create these evil rules; and refuse to give anyone a break.

Where’s compassion for the play that results in aches and pains, and forgiveness for a player’s mistake?

Restroom stops and muscle aches, result in many women’s game breaks, friendly chitchat is always a plus. Rinse the dust off the cart, spray on deet and sun block, run a comb through our wind swept locks.

Freshen up the lip gloss, file a nail, read a text, and prepare for the next slam in this round. Head down, feet aligned, right knee locked, one-two-three-four, and this time I hit the darned ground.

What’s the use, I hate this game, I have to ask am I insane? Probably. Cuz I think I’ll improve. But I’ll be back in 24 believing in a better score, am I really that obtuse?

And I’ll slam one hard, right into Greenwalt’s yard, and I’ll kiss that dimpled orb goodbye. Cuz I topped that dude and the sound it made was rude, so much for a holein-one on five!

Six, seven, eight and nine offer chances sublime to make my game a grand memory.

Chip one in, drive one long, best my best, finish strong, win a horserace and it’s all heavenly.

Then I’ll slam one high, knowing that I’ll never yield, to negatives so limp and lame. Cuz I’ll always have the hope of a smaller handicap. Without a doubt, I love this game!