Thieves provide entertainment

Okay, I managed to scare up enough leftover stuff from 2011 to fill this space until the Legislature gets down to work and provides some copy.

One of my favorite stories was the purse-snatcher who was nabbed when his pants fell down while he was running away from his victim. The would-be thief was a 43-year-old Everett man who ripped the woman’s handbag off her shoulder at the Bremerton ferry terminal and ran to a nearby taxi to make his getaway, when his pants suddenly descended to his ankles he tripped and fell down.

A pedestrian who witnessed it told a cop, who was working at the terminal, and the cop caught up with the thief before he could get his pants back up and get into the taxi. The thief, who smelled of intoxicants, the cop reported, claimed he was “just monkey-ing around” and “teasing” and didn’t want to hurt the woman’s feelings. He was jailed and the bag returned to the owner. Nobody was named in this story. Lesson learned: never monkey around without checking that your belt or suspenders are in good working order.

Another thief who tried to enhance his earnings by making a deal with a medical device maker, to use its devices in cardiac procedures and recommend it to his medical cohorts, was U.S. Army Major Jason Layne Davis, 38, chief cardiologist at Madigan Medical Center in Tacoma, a pretty high position for turning to thievery. He illegally accepted $5,000 from Guidant Sales, a subsidiary of Boston Scientific, for the deal which is a misdemeanor good for a year in prison and a $100,000 fine. Guidant agreed to pay $600,000 to settle claims it provided money, meals and gratuities to Davis to push its products.

If there was one thing Belfair postal worker Richard A. Farrell, 45, really hated, it was junk mail. So he responded by dumping it in recycle bins or burning it in his outdoor fire pit. When the Belfair postmaster tipped the feds that Farrell was recycling instead of delivering, they trailed him until they confirmed what he was doing with it. A federal spokesman said no one lost any first class mail, but investigators said they did find some at Farrell’s home. All he got for it though was three years probation, 120 hours of community service and a $25 fine because he “accepted responsibility.” I guess the judge in that case didn’t like junk mail either.

A 31-year old Port Orchard woman, who had been working at Farmland Feed Co. in Silverdale since she was 16, was charged with first degree theft for embezzling $78,727 over three years.

Maranda Lee McKenzie worked as a $13 an hour assistant manager and created false returns to cover the theft.

The owner was blaming shrinking revenues on the economy until he noticed suspicious telephone numbers and checked up on her.

A New York man who bought a German shepherd named Emmi over the Internet from a dog raiser in Thurston County decided to return her because she terrorized his cat and was not responding to typical German commands.

Jason Dubin informed previous owner, Wayne Curry, by telephone and shipped the dog back to the west coast where no one met it at the airport.

Curry said he had informed the airline he wouldn’t be there so Emmi wound up in a Seattle kennel.

Eventually Curry sent someone to pick her up. Emmi could have been like the Germans in Minnesota who, on the onset of World War II, suddenly claimed to be Polish instead and didn’t revert back until the war was over and Germans were acceptable again.

Dubin should have tried a little Polish on Emmi.

–Adele

(Adele Ferguson can be reached at P.O. Box 69, Hansville, Wash., 98340.)